I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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