So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
