I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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