doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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