you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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