How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
