Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
