roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
