Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
