I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
