New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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