Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
FUCK WHALES
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