Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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