I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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