I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
