Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
