the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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