he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
