I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
