Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
