im having a threesome with these popsicles
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
