I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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