You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
