you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
