Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
