I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
my liver is dry heaving
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
