She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
