So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
