New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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