the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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