So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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