remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
