my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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