He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Mom said you looked used
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
