so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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