So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
