you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Randomize
