Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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