To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
