It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize