The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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