I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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