I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
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