hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
