At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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