Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize