allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
