Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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