i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
someone owes me an orgasm
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
