You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
