I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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