its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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