She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
