Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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