Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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