there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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