guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i out mim tonsoeep
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