grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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