moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
