You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize