everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
