FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
