He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
