Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
