woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
