i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
