I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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