this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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