I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
