i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i've created a new STD.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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