I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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