My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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