he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
