This dress was meant to end up on your floor
zippers are such a cool invention
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You are a genius and a whore.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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