If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
