Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Randomize
