So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
