Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
