We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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