we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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